Cats Rights

By Bill Eagle for the Valley Bugler.

Kermit Curmudge really isn't my friends name, but I think that I will use it anyway.  Sometimes names need to be changed to protect the guilty as well as the innocent. 

Kermit is a widower, he is retired and lives by himself.  He had vascular surgery a while back and still has a bit of difficulty getting around.  More than that, he seems to suffer from almost constant pain.  Some days are better than others, but even on the good days, the pain remains.
Kermit worked all of his life to get what he has.  He served honorably in the U.S. Army.  When he got out of the Army, he worked at various jobs, Well Driller, Maintenance man, and Mechanic.  He always worked hard, he always paid his bills, and as a point of pride, never bought on credit.  Kermit Curmudge worked hard, and still works hard to be a good citizen and a good neighbor.  On some days he is successful, on others well…  I guess this was just one of THOSE days.

It started with a knock on his door.  Standing there was a pleasant looking young woman in a brown uniform. 

"Hello are you Mr. Curmudge?"

"Uh yes" says my friend.

"I am from City Animal Control and there have been some reports of you abusing animals."

"Huh?" says Kermit.  " What are you talking about?  I've never abused any thing.  Hell I like animals". 

"Do you own a gun?" asks the Animal Control officer

"Sure I do, several."  replies my friend pointing to a sign on his wall displaying a picture of the Constitution along with an American flag and the motto "God Guts and Guns made America what it is today."

"Do you own a BB or a pellet gun?"


"May I see it?" asks the officer

Kermits eyes narrow as he looks at the lady officer.  "Why do you want to see my BB gun?"

"Several cats in the neighborhood have been shot with a BB gun.  One of your neighbors called in a complaint." Replied the officer.

"Hell I know which neighbor that was, and it's a crock; I never shot nothin'!" responds Kermit.

"Please let me see your BB gun."

Kermit goes into his back bedroom and lets her see his BB pistol.

"Is this the pistol that you used to shoot cats?" asks the officer.

"Listen"  says Kermit.  "I never shot no cats, but I will tell you what happened".

"Ok," says the officer, "Tell me."

"I shot my BB Gun into the side of my Garage to scare some of those cats." replies Kermit.   "The neighbor just lets them roam, they never bothered to spay or neuter them, and all they do is have kittens.  They come over her, crawl over everything, pee on stuff and crap all over the place.  They crap on the floor, the driveway, the lawn, and they don't even bother to bury it neither"

"Cats have a right to roam" says the officer "And you can't discharge a firearm in the City."

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