Doc Harry
An Internet Legend

Doc Harry is a real person. He is smart, brave and compassionate. He has always been big; he is a big man, and he used to be a big kid. Years ago, Harry lied about his age and enlisted in the Army. He went to Korea to fight. He served well and honorably and accounted well for himself. Unfortunately he was wounded, and the Army took a closer look at his credentials. They found out that he was very much underage and sent him packing.
Harry was always a hard worker. He worked his way through college and through graduate school. He became a teacher, and later a school administrator. People always appreciated how well he was able to work with others. People appreciated his ample intelligence balanced by his equally abundant compassion. 
Harry was (and still is) a patriot; he enlisted in the Army Reserve. He started as a Private and retired as a Lieutenant Colonel. What ever he did, he did well, bringing honor upon himself, and upon others who worked with him.
Harry did have one small flaw. He enjoyed tall tales and practical jokes. He would play jokes on his children, his co-workers and his friends. 
Years ago, the Rainier Brewing Company used to run a really cute advertisement. They ran it as a television commercial that featured a strange animal that was a cross between a deer and a beer can. They called this creature a "Rainier." Their television commercials would show people in the woods, dressed in hunting clothes, stalking wild Rainiers. Doc Harry was inspired by all of this and was continually telling his children that he had spotted Rainiers in the woods behind his home. He would drive the kids to school, and as he traveled the winding road from his place in Beaver Springs he would shout: "Look kids. Did you see that? I saw a Rainier jump into the brush right up there!"
Sometimes they would stop and hunt for Rainier droppings. There was no telling the sort of things that he and his children would turn up.
I recently read an Internet story about a Middle School Principal who coped with girls placing lipstick impressions on rest room mirrors. I rarely believe anything that I hear on the Internet, but this story was different. I happened to know that this particular story was true. I knew the people who were involved, and Harry was one.
Mrs. Welter, one of Harry's custodians, approached him. "I am getting sick and tired of having to clean up after the Freshmen Girls!"
"What are they doing?" asked Doc. Harry.
"They're kissing the mirrors." Responded Mrs. Welter
"They're what?"  Asked Doc Harry
"Kissing the mirrors," continued Mrs. Welter, "and leaving big lipstick smears all over them. I'm getting sick and tired of cleaning up after them."
Harry stood up from his desk, walked over to Mrs. Welter and smiled. "I think I know how we might handle this."
A special meeting of all the Freshmen Girls was held. All were marched into the girls restroom where Mrs. Welter awaited them.
"Girls" announced Doc Harry. "Mrs. Welter works very hard trying to keep things clean around here, and I am afraid that you are not making things easy for her. I would like Mrs. Welter to show you how difficult it is for her to clean lip impressions off of these mirrors."
Mrs. Welter picked up a large handled sponge and walked over to the nearest open toilet stall. She then dipped the sponge into the toilet bowl, and walked over to the mirror.
"Eeeeuuuuuuwwwwww." gagged the girls as they watched her scrub the mirror.
Never more did Mrs. Welter ever have to worry about lipstick stained glass.
On another occasion, Harry was alerted to children smoking in the bushes behind his school. He handled this well. Borrowing from his earlier experience with the girls; he filled a bucket with water, and added some toilet paper. He then quietly snuck up to a smoke engulfed bush and dumped the bucket on it.
His action was greeted with screams and shouts. Harry pretended innocence and told the kids that he didn't realize that anyone was smoking. He said that he spotted the smoke and thought that there was a fire. He told them that he dipped a bucket into what he thought was the nearest water source, a toilet. Harry explained in all seriousness: "I had no idea that there were people behind those bushes." 
On still another occasion he discovered that some of his smaller children had removed some of the air duct covers underneath the school building. Evidently some of the children thought it would be fun to spend their recess time exploring them. It didn't take Harry long to use his unique manner to bring duct exploration to an end. He met with several classes and he told the children stories about giant carnivorous rats that lived in the heating ducts. He also told them stories about the children that crawled under his school and have never been seen again.
Harry's approach to education was unique, and he always managed to get results.
Doc Harry: a man whose mind is like lightning, and whose conversation is filled with interesting patter. "Did I ever tell you guys about the time that I saw Big Foot?"
"No Harry, you never did." we answered
"Well, it was like this…." said Harry.
My friend Doc Harry is a real person; he is smart, brave, and compassionate. He loves a good story and I am most pleased to have him for a friend.


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