Child Proofing
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"Hey mom," asked my responsible and married son. "What are you doing next week?"

"What do you want?"  (His mother is good about answering a question with a question).

"Christy and I are planning to go on a short trip to celebrate our anniversary, and we need someone to take care of Jacob," said my son.

Our Grandson Jacob is a very intelligent and very active two year old, and it is obvious that my son is looking for a baby sitter.

"How long will you be gone?" asked my wife Claudia.

"Oh, about five days."  Said my son.  "I want to take Christy to visit some friends in Las Vegas.  I also want to take her to the Grand Canyon."

I interjected: "Sounds like fun.

"It could be," said my wife, "if you would be willing to help out for a change."

"I meant, going to Las Vegas sounds like fun, I wasn't talking about babysitting," said I.  "Hey, I always help,"

"I mean really help," said a most stern wife. "Life would be lots easier for all of us, if you would be willing to pitch in and help with the baby."

"I always help" repeated I.  "I just can't do diapers, particularly the smelly kind."

"I'm not talking about diapers," said my mate.  "I'm talking about helping around the house.  We need to child proof this place, if I am going to take care of Jacob next week."
My wife continued: "We have to buy outlet covers and plates for all of our electrical outlets.  Your guns need to locked and out of reach, and you will need to make sure that we have safety latches and locks on the cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom.  We don't want him getting into medicines or cleaners.  We also want to make sure he doesn't cut himself with knives or other sharp objects." 

Claudia pointed to our garage door.  "We have a safety gate in the garage.  You will need to find it and put it on the stairs."   
"Oh!" continued Claudia. "We should buy some door knob covers too.  They might stop Jacob from running out of the house into the street."

"Hey, what's so hard about child proofing?" Said I with my normal nonchalance.  "It's just a matter of moving stuff out of reach.  After all, he is only two.  What can a two year old do any way?" 

"You're a real prize," sighed my wife

"I know I am." smirked yours truly "You are so lucky to have me."

The following week, Claudia and I drove over to Beaverton to pick up our Grandson and begin our baby-sitting duties.  They loaded us down with huggies and clothing, and several of his favorite toys.   I bragged to my son about getting doorknob covers, and putting a safety gate on our stairs.

"Forget about them." said my son.  "He doesn't have any problems with the doorknob covers.  He can open doors with them."

"He can?" said I.  "I can't even open the doors with them on."

"He can," said my son.  "Not only that, but there isn't a safety gate built that can stop him, Jacob's a climber, a good climber." 

"Oh boy!" said I as my Grandson rushed out to greet me.

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