Adventure In All The Wrong Places.
I need to make this as clear as possible. The facts and names have both been changed slightly. They really have not been changed all that much, just enough so that I don't get in trouble. This story is true, and certainly truer than most Hollywood "based in fact" movies.
My friend Mike is not a big man, but he likes to do big things. Mike is a man who is continually seeking adventure. His first adventure was marriage. He married a lady who was working her way through school as an exotic dancer. It didn't last, she graduated from school and along with her diploma, handed him his divorce papers. Mike is the sort that rarely gives up. He once again started looking for love in all the wrong places. He married some sort of a model, and spent a lot of money paying plastic surgeons to help her in her work. This didn't last long either, and he was soon a bit poorer, and single again. It isn't as if Mike has an over active libido, but he does have an excess of energy.
He took classes in the martial arts, and got himself a belt. I am not even sure what martial art it was, nor do I know the kind of belt that he achieved. I think that it was in Karate or Kung Fu, or something like that. He said that his belt in the martial arts meant that he was a walking weapon. I guess that was all right as long as he didn't walk half cocked down some dark alley or go into a cowboy bar in order to prove himself. Most weapons can't be fired when they are half cocked. He joined up with the Mazamas, and signed up with Outward bound. He once climbed Mt. Hood in a snow storm, and another time broke some bones rock climbing. He got himself a pilots license and bought a partial ownership in an airplane. He also took up scuba diving, and managed not to drown himself in the process. It was not all that surprising to have Mike show up at my door and announced that he had taken up the sport of skydiving.
"That's cool." Says I.
"Hey, how about going with me?" Asks my adventurous friend
I can see that Mike is between wives and bored. "I don't think so". Replies yours truly: "If God wanted us to jump out of airplanes we'd be born with parachutes on our backs. Unlike you, I'm married. I have responsibilities. My wife's invested a lot of time and money into me, and I would hate to see it scattered over the country side."
"Just come up for the ride, you won't have to jump." Says friend Mike.
"O.K., I can do that. When do you want to go?
"How about next Saturday?
Saturday comes around, and I meet my friend at the airport. The airplane is a Cessna Skyhawk. Mike introduces me to the pilot, and another friend of his who is an "Expert Skydiver."
After introductions, Mike's "expert" friend then takes a few minutes time to lecture me on how "safe" skydiving is. He says that there are far more accidents roller-skating than skydiving.
"I don't roller skate either;" says I.
Mike's "expert" friend and the pilot remove the airplane door. His friend then helps Mike pack the chutes. Mikes' chutes consists of a back and belly pack
"The belly chute is to be used for emergencies" relates Mike's "expert" friend.