Gemini: (May 21--June 21 )
You will find yourself lost in a strange new world Gemini, in which the hairless, vaguely apelike natives of Wal-Mart seem to be trying to communicate with you.

Cancer: (June 22--July 22 )
The stars appreciate that you want to protest the rampant city-hall corruption, but they don't forecast how you will accomplish this in your giant corn-on-the-cob costume.

Leo: (July 23--Aug 22 )
You tend to fly into a rage over the smallest problems. Fortunately for you Leo, you will only encounter huge disasters this week.

Virgo: (Aug 23--Sep 22 )
If you didn't get that raise you were expecting, it might be time to consider becoming the new City Librarian.

Libra: (Sep 23--Oct 23 )
Libras! You will spend two months in the Columbia County jail this summer for sodomy despite the fact you were originally sentenced for DUIs.

Scorpio: (Oct 24--Nov 21 )
You've been feeling bad about wasting your talents in life, but there's really nothing useful you would have accomplished by building that gigantic dog statue, anyway.

Sagittarius: (Nov 22--Dec 21 )
Your natural leadership abilities will be put to good use when you are chosen by the St Helens Port Commission to head up that new Iraq/St Helens Sister-Cities Project in Baghdad.

Capricorn: (Dec 22--Jan 19 )
You'll be pressured to resign as chairman of the board of directors when it comes to light that you are, in fact, absolutely terrible at sitting at the head of really long tables.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
People often fall in love with the person who is worst for them, which is actually good news for city-attorneys and staff.

Pisces: (Feb 19--March 20 )
You will be honored but embarrassed when Mayor Petersen somehow appears and visits you to, "see if further trouble can be avoided."

Aries: (March 21--April 19 )
Narrow-mindedness and jealousy on the part of your co-workers will lead them to ridicule and denounce your new Ford Ranger.

Taurus: (April 20--May 20 )
Certain shortcomings in your education and upbringing cause you to read meaning into the relationships among various celestial bodies.