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Please note that the TOP 10 is normally not written by Bill Eagle (unless his name is attached) nor does it necessarily reflect the opinions of Bill Eagle, his wife, children, pastor, pets, real or past friends (assuming that he has any at all). * Top 10 Signs You’re Not Going to Win the Miss America Constest From: 1990 something
10. Instead of putting Vaseline on your teeth, you use aerosol cheese.
9. Your nude photos have already appeared in Penthouse
8. Very often when people meet you they say, “Man is you ugly!”
7. The judges point out that eating a pound of fudge is not technically a talent
6. After the musical number, Regis turns to Kathie Lee and says, “Wow, that really sucks.”
5. Though you’re pretty, there’s nogetting around the fact that yur name is Carl and you’re a longshoreman.
4. The official discover you’ve corked your bra.
3. Someone’s replaced your paper “Miss Kentucky” sash with one that reads “Sanitized for your protection.’
2. You’re Miss New York, and your talent is giving the finger.
1. Your butt is the size of Montana.
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